(Now, won't that get some interesting Google hits???)
The MOMD and I were playing with the baby in bed this morning, dodging random fists and foreheads, deciding what would be our ideal Valentine's Day date - my Mum has offered to babysit for us.
Leave home, drive just far enough to take possession of a luxurious 4+ star room.
Bathe in a big tub of water, no bubbles, toys or washers.
Dress in beautiful, unstained, uncrumpled, lovingly tailored pajamas.
Slip into clean, 500 thread-count linen sheets.
Nestle against a selection of softly supportive pillows.
Browse the menu, order a gorgeous meal without peas, mashed potato or tomato sauce.
Enjoy a sumptuous wine from a sparkling crystal glass.
Savour every morsel of a meal that arrives steaming atop a warmed platter, chase the last warm juices with a crust of sourdough.
Dip into a decadent dessert laced with expensive liqueur.
Sip a post-prandial tea or coffee from a delicate bone-china cup.
Put all the evidenve of the feast on a platter for someone else to clean up.
Snuggle down beneath the sheets, scattering excess pillows on the floor.
Wake, stretch out across a bed with only the same two occupants as when you went to sleep, 8 hours ago.
Order a breakfast exactly how you like it.
Consume the yoghurt while cold, the toast while hot.
Take an unhurried shower, clean your teeth without interruption.
Dress in clean, ironed, flattering clothes.
Pay the astonishingly low bill.
Take a deep breath.